• LAUNCH YOUR DREAM
  • BE A MOTIVATIONAL SPEAKER
  • STARTING OVER MIDLIFE
  • HAPPINESS THROUGH ACTIVISM
  • TRAVEL THE WORLD
  • GET HEALTHY & FIT
  • BUILD SELF-CONFIDENCE
  • BRAVE LIVING
  • WRITE WITH US

8WomenDream

Dream Big Stories

  • HOME
  • ABOUT
  • CONNECT
You Are Here Home » WRITE WITH US » My Dream: No More Toxic Mom Secrets

07/11/2010 By Contributor Dream Stories

My Dream: No More Toxic Mom Secrets

Last updated on January 22nd, 2015 at 11:35 pm

These are my thoughts this week as I work on Toxic Mom Toolkit…

How many times on lunch breaks or over drinks had I listened to friends worry aloud about their moms getting older?

One friend chewed her fingernails to nubs over her mother’s diminishing eyesight.

Would her mother have to give up quilting?

Then what?

Another lamented Midwest winters and her mother’s growing isolation.

Her mother would never move west, would my friend have to uproot her family and change jobs in order to move closer to her mother?

I’ve always been the shrewd and funny friend who knew what to do. As a newspaper reporter I had the current information, the community hook-ups.

I was always sharing the intel that turned any insomnia inspiring mom problem into an easy to handle item to cross off your weekly to do list.

I let my friends vent about their moms, made suggestions and patted their forearms across the table. Nobody suspected that I did not share similar concerns about my own mother. If I was asked how my mother was doing I usually said she was good. She lived 20 minutes away in a nice seniors home and was very, very independent.

I didn’t clarify that I was speaking of my third mother, my step-mother, the easy-breezy one. Only a handful of friends knew I had been abandoned by my birth mother and that I had long ago cut off contact with the mother who raised me.

After too many years of abuse, neglect, dishonesty and craziness, I was done with my mother. I could care less about Sunday calls, holiday plans or scheduling mom’s trips to doctor.

My secret was that I was an undutiful daughter.

When my father was still alive, the chasm bothered him.

I could justify my decision to my husband, to my brother (who felt the same way) and to my inner circle of friends.

Yet, there were days when I found it a hard decision to live out loud.

Internally this decision was made even more difficult because my mother was just such a mystery to me.

But over time I believed that my decision was the only sane one.

When I recognized other women dealing with toxic mothers and I would take them aside and tell them what I did.

I stopped dealing with my mother and I didn’t need her permission to do it. I didn’t issue a warning. She didn’t get a vote. I just did it.

Both our eyebrows would go up.

Reeeeeeally? they’d say.

Not every daughter can make a complete break. Some limit contact with toxic moms. Other’s refuse to let their parents near their own children. For many putting up with a few drama-filled holidays is worth it to keep tabs on younger members of the family.

But for some daughters of toxic moms, it’s game over.

It got to where in a room of 50 women I could spot the two or three that shared my secret.

In conversations we’d often finish each other sentences or wave each other off when childhood memories got too rough.

I came to realize that undutiful daughters are a large, silent group of interesting women willing to talk if someone just asked.

I began collecting their stories like scraps for a crazy quilt.

I was convinced that if I could just put them together their colorful wisdom could help other women.

I think of cutting ties to your own mother as sort of the last taboo. Look at the evening news.

When neck tattoo’s, sex addiction and brides marrying their own houses are understandable, I think breaking up with your toxic mom is still something few would cop to on camera.

I’d like to change that.

I’d like women to live their decision out loud.

I think people will understand.

Part of my effort to write “Confessions of an Undutiful Daughter” “Toxic Mom Toolkit” includes gathering stories of other women who grew up with or are struggling with aging toxic-moms.

Which reminds me, have you filled out your Undutiful Daughter questionaire?

Here’s the link: Got A Dream – Ask For Help.

Rayne WolfeToxic-mom-toolkit-by-rayne-wolfe

Rayne Wolfe’s dream is to write her first book Confessions of an Undutiful Daughter by the end of 2011. She completed her dream journey May of 2011 on 8WD after a year living her dream. You can find her at Toxic Mom Toolkit on Facebook. She has since published her book, Toxic Mom Toolkit on Amazon.

Contributor Dream Stories

Enjoy this special 8WomenDream Guest Contributor story submitted by new and experienced big dreamers throughout the world, edited and published to capture a dream perspective from different points-of-view. Do you have a personal dream story to share with 8WomenDream readers? Click here to learn how to submit dream big articles for consideration.

Note: Articles by Guest Post Contributors may contain affiliate links and 8WD will be compensated if you make a purchase after clicking on an affiliate link.

Related Stories:

  • Dealing with a Toxic Mom? Here's Your Mother Might Be Toxic TestDealing with a Toxic Mom? Here's Your Mother Might…
  • Toxic Mom Toolkit Published: 8 Women Dream StyleToxic Mom Toolkit Published: 8 Women Dream Style
  • A Healthy Checklist for Toxic Mom ToolkitA Healthy Checklist for Toxic Mom Toolkit
  • How I Became A Toxic Mom AvengerHow I Became A Toxic Mom Avenger
Tell your friends!

Filed Under: WRITE WITH US

Some of the posts on 8WD contain affiliate links or links to purchase products or programs from 8WD contributors. This means 8WD or the contributor may make a small commission if you make a purchase. The 8WD affiliate links help offset the cost of hosting this website and the contributor links help support the dreams of the contributor. Please check out the 8WD Legal Page for more details.

Thank you for your continued support!

« Here is a Method That is Helping Clear The Clutter
Road Trips Can Be A GPS For Dream Inspiration »

Check it out

  • LAUNCH YOUR DREAM
  • BE A MOTIVATIONAL SPEAKER
  • STARTING OVER MIDLIFE
  • HAPPINESS THROUGH ACTIVISM
  • TRAVEL THE WORLD
  • GET HEALTHY & FIT
  • BUILD SELF-CONFIDENCE
  • BRAVE LIVING
  • WRITE WITH US


The 8WomenDream Dream Tote Bag

About the 8WomenDream Tote Bag
US – 10oz Cotton
Dimensions (External Dimensions)
• Height – 18″ (45.72cm or 457.2mm)
• Width – 15″ (38.1cm or 381mm)
Handle Dimensions (Internal Dimensions)
• Length – 29″ (73.7cm or 736.6mm)

Recent Dream Stories

  • Starting Over as a Single Mom Wasn’t My Big Dream
  • Warning: Big Dream to Be a Motivational Speaker Won’t Always Obey Your Plans
  • Dance to Relieve Stress to Focus on Your Big Dream
  • 6 Tips to Avoid Get Rich Quick Scams as a Public Speaker
  • A Dream to Spread MLK’s Message of Love
  • Best Goal Setting Advice that Actually Works
  • 8 Solstice Traditions for Focusing on Your Big Dream this Year
  • It’s Never Too Late to Dust Off Your Dreams
Catherine Hughes on Dealspotr
Catherine Hughes
@8WomenDream
Let’s collaborate
Powered by Dealspotr

Looking for more?

8 Women Dream Products8WD Founder Catherine HughesActivist Lisa Powell GrahamArtist Iman WoodsArtist Sue Faith LevyAuthor Karen AlanizAuthor Rayne WolfeBig Dream InterviewsDream Big Guest ContributorsFind Your DreamFind Your Passion and PurposeHealth Coach Heather MontgomeryInspirational QuotesMotivational Speaker Kelly SwansonSuccessful Goal SettingWorld Traveler Natasha von GeldernWrite A Book

Inspiration

More About 8WD

WE BELIEVE EVERYONE HAS THE POWER TO ACHIEVE BIG DREAMS.
 
IT IS OUR SINCEREST WISH THROUGH THE SHARING OF PERSONAL STORIES ABOUT WHAT IT’S LIKE TO TRY TO ACHIEVE A BIG DREAM THAT WE WILL INSPIRE YOU GO AFTER A BIG DREAM TOO.
 
YOU CAN FIND OUT MORE ABOUT 8WOMENDREAM, HERE.

Categories

  • BE A MOTIVATIONAL SPEAKER
  • BRAVE LIVING
  • BUILD SELF-CONFIDENCE
  • GET HEALTHY & FIT
  • HAPPINESS THROUGH ACTIVISM
  • LAUNCH YOUR DREAM
  • STARTING OVER MIDLIFE
  • TRAVEL THE WORLD
  • WRITE WITH US

[footer_backtotop]

Copyright 8 Women Dream All Rights Reserved © 2020 • ADVERTISE ON 8WD • LEGAL/TERMS/PRIVACY • SITE DEVELOPMENT BY CATHERINE HUGHES

Welcome to 8WomenDream Where Big Dreams Are Shared
The 8WomenDream website uses cookies to improve your experience. We'll assume you're OK with this, but you can opt-out if you wish. ACCEPT REJECT READ MORE
Privacy & Cookies Policy

Privacy Overview

This website uses cookies to improve your experience while you navigate through the website. Out of these, the cookies that are categorized as necessary are stored on your browser as they are essential for the working of basic functionalities of the website. We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website. These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. But opting out of some of these cookies may affect your browsing experience.
Necessary
Always Enabled

Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. This category only includes cookies that ensures basic functionalities and security features of the website. These cookies do not store any personal information.

Non-necessary

Any cookies that may not be particularly necessary for the website to function and is used specifically to collect user personal data via analytics, ads, other embedded contents are termed as non-necessary cookies. It is mandatory to procure user consent prior to running these cookies on your website.