• LAUNCH YOUR DREAM
  • BE A MOTIVATIONAL SPEAKER
  • STARTING OVER MIDLIFE
  • HAPPINESS THROUGH ACTIVISM
  • TRAVEL THE WORLD
  • GET HEALTHY & FIT
  • BUILD SELF-CONFIDENCE
  • BRAVE LIVING
  • WRITE WITH US

8WomenDream

Dream Big Stories

  • HOME
  • ABOUT
  • CONNECT
You Are Here Home » WRITE WITH US » A Healthy Checklist for Toxic Mom Toolkit

in WRITE WITH US

A Healthy Checklist for Toxic Mom Toolkit

Last updated on December 12th, 2013 at 04:14 pm

BUY Toxic Mom Toolkit by Rayne WolfeRecently, around the one year anniversary of leaving my newspaper job I had a come-to-Jesus talk with myself about work.

What makes sense for me now at my age?

What is really important to me, to my husband and to our banker in terms of earning money?

Is it really all about money or can I be brave enough to seek a truly healthy life/work balance? Everyone wants challenging work but at what level of stress? What’s the right formula for a happy, balanced life for me?

And what does job-hunting have to do with toxic mothers and my Toxic Mom Toolkit book project?

Well — don’t look now but I actually may have found a job that I’d love. I won’t tell you anything about it because I don’t want to jinx it and it’s not mine YET. (Even though everyone I know on Facebook has been asked to wish on hay trucks for me to land it.)

The prospect of returning to a real Monday through Friday job made me realize that after a year of total freedom (and valid health insurance) I still hadn’t made any time to take care of myself the way (I guess) other girls do.

Example: How long has it been since I had my cute teeth checked and cleaned?

We have a wonderful lady dentist who has an amazing front desk scheduler. She’s the type of gal who can be put off five times in a row and still sound on the sixth call that she likes you anyway. So, thinking that I might return to work I realized that I’m way overdue for everything yet I’m burning a lot of energy avoiding all sorts of check-ups. Because, you know, in addition to not being able to ask for help, believe I have devoted friends or answer the doorbell, I’m also not good at taking care of myself.

Adding to my self guilt my poor husband asked me to please be sure to schedule my annual check up. He cajoled. He pleaded. The other night he pulled out all stops. I confess, I felt ashamed when I heard his offer. No, maybe not ashamed – more like really, really stupid.

“Honey, I know you don’t like going to doctors. But I need you to go because I’m going to be very angry with you if you put it off much longer and something is found later that could have been easily addressed,” he said.

“So, here’s my offer. If you go get your girl check up I’ll…”

What do you think my husband would consider the biggest bribe he could offer me?

  • Diamonds?
  • A European vacation?
  • A new car?
  • A Gurka houseman?
  • This is how much my husband cares for me. He offered me the absolute ultimate Rayne bribe.
  • “If you go get a girl check up I’ll…get you a puppy.”

And STILL I haven’t made any appointments!

So, I wrote myself a list of things for daughters of toxic mothers like me, who have a tendency of putting themselves last, need to do at least once a year. Heck, maybe twice per year for a couple of them.  It should be a part of your toxic mom toolkit.

A Healthy Checklist for Toxic Mom Toolkit:

1. You have nothing without your health.

That’s why each year we should have a physical check up including special girl tests including the dreaded mammogram, which I hate and haven’t had since there was a Bush in the White House. That’s first on my list of things to do before I go back to work despite the New York Times news article saying they’re no big deal anymore. I believe mammograms save lives.

2. Get your eyes checked.

This is true even if you don’t wear glasses or contacts. Did you know that many brain tumors are discovered by optometrists? That’s how my dad found out. That’s why they turn the lights out and shine that penlight into each eyeball. They can see through your eyeballs and can catch a brain tumor in time to save your life. Plus, with all our hours using screens, we need to take care of our eyes.

3. Recommit to regular exercise.

Every month I burn $78 with a match for the privilege of swimming to hip-hop music when the mood hits me. But I can change and so can you. I could add cardio. I could commit to weekly yoga. I could (gulp) use a personal trainer. Find something you like to do that gets your heart rate up and do it even if it’s only walking the dog regularly.

4.Care for your hair.

At the risk of sounding trite, if you’re not already in a relationship with your hairdresser, find a great one and get a good haircut. It can be life changing. It should be life-changing.

5. Schedule an hour massage.

Not a half-hour massage — splurge on a whole hour to work the kinks from stress, responsibilities, worries. You can’t afford it? In my town there is a massage school with rates starting at $29 a session. You can afford that. Or treat yourself to a pedicure that includes a calf and foot massage.

So many daughters of toxic mothers I know struggle with contrary impulses and emotions. It seems that the impulse to be good to ourselves rarely surfaces and when it does we hope it sinks like a bee in a pool.

Take a look at that list again.

You and I both know every woman really needs to do all these things each year. But here’s the catch. Don’t be afraid to feel good about doing it. Don’t ask anyone if you can do it; just do it. You are deserving of good health, fun physical activity and nurturing personal services. You and me both.

And if you want to take a big chance you can express your love by asking your loved ones to see their doctor, dentist, eye doctor, hair dresser and masseuse, too.

Toxic mother survivors – be good to yourself!

Rayne

Related Stories:

  • The Toxic Mom Toolkit Book Research Questionnaire
    The Toxic Mom Toolkit Book Research Questionnaire
  • Toxic Mom Toolkit Chapter One
    Toxic Mom Toolkit Chapter One
  • toxic mom toolkit logo on 8WD
    Toxic Mom Toolkit Published: 8 Women Dream Style
  • Test for seeing if you have a toxic mother
    Dealing with a Toxic Mom? Here's Your Mother Might…
Contributor Dream Stories

Enjoy this special 8WomenDream Guest Contributor story submitted by new and experienced big dreamers throughout the world, edited and published to capture a dream perspective from different points of view. Do you have a personal dream story to share with 8WomenDream readers? Click here to learn how to submit dream big articles for consideration.

Note: Articles by Guest Post Contributors may contain affiliate links and may be compensated if you make a purchase after clicking on an affiliate link.

Filed Under: WRITE WITH US

Some of the posts on 8WD contain affiliate links or links to purchase products or programs from 8WD contributors. This means 8WD or the contributor may make a small commission if you make a purchase. The 8WD affiliate links help offset the cost of hosting this website and the contributor links help support the dreams of the contributor. Please check out the 8WD Legal Page for more details.

Thank you for your continued support!

« 3 Online Dating Rules For Women in Midlife
Embracing the Rapper Dream as an Older Woman »

Check it out

  • LAUNCH YOUR DREAM
  • BE A MOTIVATIONAL SPEAKER
  • STARTING OVER MIDLIFE
  • HAPPINESS THROUGH ACTIVISM
  • TRAVEL THE WORLD
  • GET HEALTHY & FIT
  • BUILD SELF-CONFIDENCE
  • BRAVE LIVING
  • WRITE WITH US


The 8WomenDream Dream Tote Bag

About the 8WomenDream Tote Bag
US – 10oz Cotton
Dimensions (External Dimensions)
• Height – 18″ (45.72cm or 457.2mm)
• Width – 15″ (38.1cm or 381mm)
Handle Dimensions (Internal Dimensions)
• Length – 29″ (73.7cm or 736.6mm)

Recent Dream Stories

  • 8 Solstice Traditions for Focusing on Your Big Dream this Year
  • Winter Solstice: What Will You Do With 1 Minute More?
  • Why Halloween Costumes Can Help Discover Your Big Dream
  • How the Equinox Can be a Catalyst for Change
  • 5 Strategies to Live Your Wildest Dreams
  • Starting Over as a Single Mom Wasn’t My Big Dream
  • Warning: Big Dream to Be a Motivational Speaker Won’t Always Obey Your Plans
  • Dance to Relieve Stress to Focus on Your Big Dream

Inspiration

More About 8WD

WE BELIEVE EVERYONE HAS THE POWER TO ACHIEVE BIG DREAMS.
 
IT IS OUR SINCEREST WISH THROUGH THE SHARING OF PERSONAL STORIES ABOUT WHAT IT’S LIKE TO TRY TO ACHIEVE A BIG DREAM THAT WE WILL INSPIRE YOU GO AFTER A BIG DREAM TOO.
 
YOU CAN FIND OUT MORE ABOUT 8WOMENDREAM, HERE.

8 WOMEN DREAM | COPYRIGHT All RIGHTS RESERVED © 2025 · LEGAL

Welcome to 8WomenDream Where Big Dreams Are Shared
The 8WomenDream website uses cookies to improve your experience. We'll assume you're OK with this, but you can opt-out if you wish. ACCEPT REJECT READ MORE
Privacy & Cookies Policy

Privacy Overview

This website uses cookies to improve your experience while you navigate through the website. Out of these, the cookies that are categorized as necessary are stored on your browser as they are essential for the working of basic functionalities of the website. We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website. These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. But opting out of some of these cookies may affect your browsing experience.
Necessary
Always Enabled
Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. This category only includes cookies that ensures basic functionalities and security features of the website. These cookies do not store any personal information.
Non-necessary
Any cookies that may not be particularly necessary for the website to function and is used specifically to collect user personal data via analytics, ads, other embedded contents are termed as non-necessary cookies. It is mandatory to procure user consent prior to running these cookies on your website.
SAVE & ACCEPT