• LAUNCH YOUR DREAM
  • BE A MOTIVATIONAL SPEAKER
  • STARTING OVER MIDLIFE
  • HAPPINESS THROUGH ACTIVISM
  • TRAVEL THE WORLD
  • GET HEALTHY & FIT
  • BUILD SELF-CONFIDENCE
  • BRAVE LIVING
  • WRITE WITH US

8WomenDream

Dream Big Stories

  • HOME
  • ABOUT
  • CONNECT
You Are Here Home » WRITE WITH US » Can You Let Go of Toxic Eating if you are a Daughter Recovering from a Toxic Mother?

10/30/2011 By Rayne Wolfe

Can You Let Go of Toxic Eating if you are a Daughter Recovering from a Toxic Mother?

Last updated on August 15th, 2018 at 05:18 pm

When Food Is Love: Exploring the Relationship Between Eating and Intimacy bookAs I complete my dream of publishing my first book, Toxic Mom Toolkit about my toxic mother and stories from others about their toxic moms, I’ve decided it is also time to quit self-abusing with certain foods. If I am going to heal myself through the sharing of my story, then I want to heal my body too. I even hired a nutritionist.

One of the most challenging tasks for my new nutritionist was figuring out what I actually like to eat. What I would eat.

The look on her face at our first meeting said it all.

“What kind of fish do you like?” she asked sweetly.

“I won’t eat fish,” I answered truthfully. “But I love shrimp and crab!”

“How about baked or roasted chicken?” she countered.

“Only if there isn’t any other form of protein in the house,” I replied.

She cocked her head to one side, looking at me straight in the eyes. Something was weird; she just didn’t know what it was.

She didn’t know that when I was a single young woman living in San Francisco, I once received a plastic head of lettuce as an apartment-warming gift from a friend who knew that I every head of lettuce I ever bought with good intentions eventually got tossed into the garbage a week later–a brown spongy, decaying mess.

She didn’t know that as a toddler I refused to eat anything except Rice Krispies and whole milk, for an entire year.

She didn’t know that when I was a little girl, my toxic mother made to-die-for Swedish meatballs with spaetzle, but mostly, she was unable to prepare regular meals on any given day.

For my entire childhood, my brown-bag lunch was a white bread bologna sandwich–no mustard, no mayonnaise, and an apple. When my mother began her descent into drinking, generally doing what she wanted, and “napping” at odd hours, she couldn’t be bothered to prepare meals at mealtime, if at all.Toxic mother quote on eating disorders

That’s when quarters were stolen from pockets to transform into dill pickles and giant 29-cent bags of Lay’s barbecue potato chips purchased up the street at Charlie’s corner store. I began hiding boxes of Bugles under my bed. No one noticed because no one ever cleaned my room, including me.

There were nights when hunger would keep me awake, and I would risk the wrath of my mother by waking her and asking her for something to eat. Cream of Wheat Hot Cereal would be fine; I’d offer apologetically.

Whether my mother rose to feed me was predicated on the state of my hands.

Explicitly, she would demand I hold my hands out palms down. If they shook, we called it vibrations; she’d get up and shuffle down the hall to the kitchen and fill a pot with water.

If not, I’d be told to go back to bed.

I told my nutritionist all of this, referring to my crazy, illogical and harmful eating habits as just part of my residual Toxic Mom eating pattern and bless her heart, she kept a neutral face throughout. She must know better than most after so many client meetings that food is never just about food. She is sorry for what happened to me as a child. But I got the impression my toxic mom story was not unique to her. She was all business, which made it a lot easier for me.

“Let’s start a list of foods you like, that are nutritious and go from there. Let’s not worry about portions, just foods you will eat,” she said.

That first list grew to include sliced turkey, turkey bacon, eggs, edamame, Babybel light cheese rounds, flax crackers, Trader Joe’s quinoa and Chicken Siu Mai, and California rolls sushi. With this food roster and an occasional meal out, I’ve now averaged a one to two-pound weight loss per week. And I didn’t have to beg anyone to get up and make a meal for me.

I am finally, actively, feeding myself and it feels good. I feel good. It is possible to let go of the toxic eating habits leftover from being a daughter of a toxic mother.

It’s never too late.

Rayne Wolfe

Toxic Mom Toolkit: Discovering a Happy Life Despite Toxic ParentingMothers Who Can't Love: A Healing Guide for DaughtersAdult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved ParentsWill I Ever Be Good Enough?: Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers
Rayne Wolfe
Rayne Wolfe

Rayne Wolfe is a freelance writer, and a former New York Times, Seattle Times, San Francisco Chronicle, and Sonoma Media, journalist. Her first book, Toxic Mom Toolkit: Discovering a Happy Life Despite Toxic Parenting (CreateSpace) was released in December 2013 and is available on Amazon. Rayne’s non-fiction work is published in the Chicken Soup for the Soul series and Glamour Magazine.

Note: Articles by Rayne may contain affiliate links and 8WD or Rayne will be compensated if you make a purchase after clicking on an affiliate link.

Related Stories:

  • Dealing with a Toxic Mom? Here's Your Mother Might Be Toxic TestDealing with a Toxic Mom? Here's Your Mother Might…
  • How To Launch A Daughter: A Thank You For Fathers DayHow To Launch A Daughter: A Thank You For Fathers Day
  • Eat, Pray, Cope: What Kind Of Toxic Mother Do You Have?Eat, Pray, Cope: What Kind Of Toxic Mother Do You Have?
  • Are You Ready to Read a Story About a Toxic Mother?Are You Ready to Read a Story About a Toxic Mother?
Tell your friends!

Filed Under: GET HEALTHY & FIT, WRITE WITH US

Some of the posts on 8WD contain affiliate links or links to purchase products or programs from 8WD contributors. This means 8WD or the contributor may make a small commission if you make a purchase. The 8WD affiliate links help offset the cost of hosting this website and the contributor links help support the dreams of the contributor. Please check out the 8WD Legal Page for more details.

Thank you for your continued support!

« Middle Class Savings: An Oxymoron?
Live your American Dream by Making Pumpkin Spice Doughnuts »

Check it out

  • LAUNCH YOUR DREAM
  • BE A MOTIVATIONAL SPEAKER
  • STARTING OVER MIDLIFE
  • HAPPINESS THROUGH ACTIVISM
  • TRAVEL THE WORLD
  • GET HEALTHY & FIT
  • BUILD SELF-CONFIDENCE
  • BRAVE LIVING
  • WRITE WITH US


The 8WomenDream Dream Tote Bag

About the 8WomenDream Tote Bag
US – 10oz Cotton
Dimensions (External Dimensions)
• Height – 18″ (45.72cm or 457.2mm)
• Width – 15″ (38.1cm or 381mm)
Handle Dimensions (Internal Dimensions)
• Length – 29″ (73.7cm or 736.6mm)

Recent Dream Stories

  • A First Step Toward a Big Dream Involved Training Wheels
  • Take a Step to Make Your Midlife Dreams Come True
  • Can Feng Shui Help Your Big Dreams Come True?
  • Why Halloween Costumes Can Help Discover Your Big Dream
  • How To Find Your Self-Confidence to Achieve Big Dreams
  • 9/11 First Responders Included Inspiring Women With Big Dreams
  • Does Your Dream to be a Triathlete Motivate You like an Ice Cream Truck?
  • How Compassion in Photography Support Women’s Body Image
Catherine Hughes on Dealspotr
Catherine Hughes
@8WomenDream
Let’s collaborate
Powered by Dealspotr

Looking for more?

Catherine Hughes - Do Your Dream Online!Find Your Passion and PurposeDream ContributorsWRITE A BOOKKaren Alaniz - Midlife TransformationsInspirational QuotesLisa Graham - Happiness through ActivismHeather Montgomery - Get in ShapeSue Faith Levy - Be Brave With Your LifeRayne Wolfe - Get PublishedBig Dream InterviewsFind Your Dream8 Women Dream ProductsNatasha von Geldern - Travel the WorldIman Woods - Empower Women Through ArtKelly Swanson - Public SpeakingGoal Setting

Inspiration

More About 8WD

WE BELIEVE EVERYONE HAS THE POWER TO ACHIEVE BIG DREAMS.
 
IT IS OUR SINCEREST WISH THROUGH THE SHARING OF PERSONAL STORIES ABOUT WHAT IT’S LIKE TO TRY TO ACHIEVE A BIG DREAM THAT WE WILL INSPIRE YOU GO AFTER A BIG DREAM TOO.
 
YOU CAN FIND OUT MORE ABOUT 8WOMENDREAM, HERE.

Categories

  • BE A MOTIVATIONAL SPEAKER
  • BRAVE LIVING
  • BUILD SELF-CONFIDENCE
  • GET HEALTHY & FIT
  • HAPPINESS THROUGH ACTIVISM
  • LAUNCH YOUR DREAM
  • STARTING OVER MIDLIFE
  • TRAVEL THE WORLD
  • WRITE WITH US

[footer_backtotop]

Copyright 8 Women Dream All Rights Reserved © 2019 • ADVERTISE ON 8WD • LEGAL/TERMS/PRIVACY • SITE DEVELOPMENT BY CATHERINE HUGHES

Welcome to 8WomenDream Where Big Dreams Are Shared
The 8WomenDream website uses cookies to improve your experience. We'll assume you're OK with this, but you can opt-out if you wish. ACCEPT REJECT READ MORE
Privacy & Cookies Policy

Necessary Always Enabled