• LAUNCH YOUR DREAM
  • BE A MOTIVATIONAL SPEAKER
  • STARTING OVER MIDLIFE
  • HAPPINESS THROUGH ACTIVISM
  • TRAVEL THE WORLD
  • GET HEALTHY & FIT
  • BUILD SELF-CONFIDENCE
  • BRAVE LIVING
  • WRITE WITH US

8WomenDream

Dream Big Stories

  • HOME
  • ABOUT
  • CONNECT
You Are Here Home » WRITE WITH US » So Toxic Even A 5-year-old Saw It

10/10/2010 By Contributor Dream Stories

So Toxic Even A 5-year-old Saw It

Last updated on June 23rd, 2011 at 10:32 am

T.D. was born in 1989 in a Western state. She was the youngest of four siblings, the third daughter. Her mother was her hero.

“I looked up to her. She wasn’t around much, but when she was I wanted to be around her every second,” she remembers.

When her parents divorced her brother stayed with their dad and the girls went with mom. Soon they lost their home and were living on the streets until they moved in with mom’s heroin-addict boyfriend. T.D. often ran to the neighbors for help when her mom suffered through drug withdrawals, or when her boyfriend beat her.

Soon, the line between children and adults became blurry. There were some days when a kindergartner played nurse for her mother.

“I sat on the floor of our one bedroom apartment watching cartoons and crying. I thought she was dying and I didn’t know how to help,” she said.

Her mother was ice cold so T.D. covered her with a blanket. Then her mother started throwing up blood.

“I asked my mother how I could help and everything she wanted I got for her. Then she yelled at me to turn off the T.V. and to sit still and not to make any movements or sounds. As I sat staring at her I heard the rest of the world going on outside and I knew. I knew my life wasn’t normal and that my mom wasn’t a normal mom. I was five years old.”

I’ve read enough of these questionnaires to know that the story wasn’t going to get better. But I realized that T.D. Peanut butter and jelly on breadwas another example of a girl who was a jelly-side-up kid.

Jelly-side-up is how I describe the phenomena of dropping half of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and praying the dry side hits the floor.

With people, it describes someone who hits the floor but gets up again and dusts themselves off.

Jelly side down? They’re stuck. They feel sorry for themselves. They wonder — what’s the point? They slide. They stick to their abusers. Sometimes they become their mothers.

In the case, no matter what happened, T.D. just kept trying to be a nice, normal girl.

She sought and stopped therapy.

“It didn’t help me… it only made me angrier towards my mother. I didn’t want any drug prescriptions, which several therapists offered.”

Her mother blamed T.D. for many things including her addiction, her boyfriend troubles and one very dramatic suicide attempt. When T.D. was 13-years-old her mother kicked her out of the house over a man she had met only months before. She lived with her father and stepmother, limping though high school. She moved out of her dad’s house when she was 17 and graduated high school with a 2.1 grade point average.

All things considered, I personally consider her 2.1 grade point average a triumph!

“I went to college for one year but I couldn’t afford it.”

Her freshman grade point average was 4.0.

She currently works as an administrative assistant at an engineering company and is applying for grants to continue her college education.

She volunteers as a mentor in her local Big Brothers/Big Sisters program.

She credits four amazing women for helping her be the adult she wants to be, but she misses a true mother/daughter relationship.

“I thought after so many years, I wouldn’t care but I am a girl and every girl needs a mom,” she said.

Moving forward, she doesn’t anticipate any changes in her view of her mother. She has no contact with her mother — and T.D. is okay with that. Jelly side up, I’m telling you.

“My mother never knew the true meaning of love or family. She would choose any man over her family any on given day.”

I only wish I had figured so much out by my twentieth birthday.

When did you first know your mom was different from other moms? How old were you when you realized your mom was toxic to you?

Rayne Wolfe’s dream is to write her first book Confessions of an Undutiful Daughter by the end of 2011. She completed her dream journey May of 2011 on 8WD after a year living her dream. You can find her at Toxic Mom Toolkit on Facebook.

Contributor Dream Stories

Enjoy this special 8WomenDream Guest Contributor story submitted by new and experienced big dreamers throughout the world, edited and published to capture a dream perspective from different points-of-view. Do you have a personal dream story to share with 8WomenDream readers? Click here to learn how to submit dream big articles for consideration.

Note: Articles by Guest Post Contributors may contain affiliate links and 8WD will be compensated if you make a purchase after clicking on an affiliate link.

Related Stories:

  • How To Reach Success By Dedicated Dreaming, Even on Tax DayHow To Reach Success By Dedicated Dreaming, Even on Tax Day
  • Fun Ways to Survive Winter and Even ThriveFun Ways to Survive Winter and Even Thrive
  • How to Live Your Dreams Even When It Feels Most ChallengingHow to Live Your Dreams Even When It Feels Most Challenging
  • How to Live Big Dreams Even When Things Fall ApartHow to Live Big Dreams Even When Things Fall Apart
Tell your friends!

Filed Under: WRITE WITH US

Some of the posts on 8WD contain affiliate links or links to purchase products or programs from 8WD contributors. This means 8WD or the contributor may make a small commission if you make a purchase. The 8WD affiliate links help offset the cost of hosting this website and the contributor links help support the dreams of the contributor. Please check out the 8WD Legal Page for more details.

Thank you for your continued support!

« Celebrate Dream Accomplishments
Braveheart Video: The Secrets To Claiming Your Dream Life Now »

Check it out

  • LAUNCH YOUR DREAM
  • BE A MOTIVATIONAL SPEAKER
  • STARTING OVER MIDLIFE
  • HAPPINESS THROUGH ACTIVISM
  • TRAVEL THE WORLD
  • GET HEALTHY & FIT
  • BUILD SELF-CONFIDENCE
  • BRAVE LIVING
  • WRITE WITH US


The 8WomenDream Dream Tote Bag

About the 8WomenDream Tote Bag
US – 10oz Cotton
Dimensions (External Dimensions)
• Height – 18″ (45.72cm or 457.2mm)
• Width – 15″ (38.1cm or 381mm)
Handle Dimensions (Internal Dimensions)
• Length – 29″ (73.7cm or 736.6mm)

Recent Dream Stories

  • A First Step Toward a Big Dream Involved Training Wheels
  • Take a Step to Make Your Midlife Dreams Come True
  • Can Feng Shui Help Your Big Dreams Come True?
  • Why Halloween Costumes Can Help Discover Your Big Dream
  • How To Find Your Self-Confidence to Achieve Big Dreams
  • 9/11 First Responders Included Inspiring Women With Big Dreams
  • Does Your Dream to be a Triathlete Motivate You like an Ice Cream Truck?
  • How Compassion in Photography Support Women’s Body Image
Catherine Hughes on Dealspotr
Catherine Hughes
@8WomenDream
Let’s collaborate
Powered by Dealspotr

Looking for more?

Sue Faith Levy - Be Brave With Your LifeIman Woods - Empower Women Through ArtGoal SettingNatasha von Geldern - Travel the WorldFind Your DreamRayne Wolfe - Get PublishedHeather Montgomery - Get in ShapeDream ContributorsKelly Swanson - Public SpeakingFind Your Passion and PurposeLisa Graham - Happiness through Activism8 Women Dream ProductsInspirational QuotesKaren Alaniz - Midlife TransformationsWRITE A BOOKCatherine Hughes - Do Your Dream Online!Big Dream Interviews

Inspiration

More About 8WD

WE BELIEVE EVERYONE HAS THE POWER TO ACHIEVE BIG DREAMS.
 
IT IS OUR SINCEREST WISH THROUGH THE SHARING OF PERSONAL STORIES ABOUT WHAT IT’S LIKE TO TRY TO ACHIEVE A BIG DREAM THAT WE WILL INSPIRE YOU GO AFTER A BIG DREAM TOO.
 
YOU CAN FIND OUT MORE ABOUT 8WOMENDREAM, HERE.

Categories

  • BE A MOTIVATIONAL SPEAKER
  • BRAVE LIVING
  • BUILD SELF-CONFIDENCE
  • GET HEALTHY & FIT
  • HAPPINESS THROUGH ACTIVISM
  • LAUNCH YOUR DREAM
  • STARTING OVER MIDLIFE
  • TRAVEL THE WORLD
  • WRITE WITH US

[footer_backtotop]

Copyright 8 Women Dream All Rights Reserved © 2019 • ADVERTISE ON 8WD • LEGAL/TERMS/PRIVACY • SITE DEVELOPMENT BY CATHERINE HUGHES

Welcome to 8WomenDream Where Big Dreams Are Shared
The 8WomenDream website uses cookies to improve your experience. We'll assume you're OK with this, but you can opt-out if you wish. ACCEPT REJECT READ MORE
Privacy & Cookies Policy

Necessary Always Enabled