Last updated on April 1st, 2012 at 12:20 pm
Today had the potential to move another step forward in my dream of becoming an accomplished equestrian.
Instead, I (mentally) took a huge step backwards. Today I took my horse Nikki to Pioneer Equine Hospital, which is a 3 hour drive from my home in Northern California. He went for his complete lameness exam, ultrasound, etc.
The vet found absolutely nothing wrong with my horse.
Good news, right? You would think so. Not in my mind.
Now, my horse Nikki’s “problem” is all behavioral and training.
Which, in my mind, makes it 100% my fault.
Which, makes Nikki the second horse I’ve ruined.
There were some very nice horses at the vet hospital. Fancy horses. Well-kept horses. When I looked at Nikki – objectively stood back and looked – I was embarrassed.
He’s skinny. He has absolutely no muscle tone. His coat is dirty and rough. His mane shaggy. His tail uncombed.
How did I let this happen?
All of this has me right back to believing that
- No, I cannot ride.
- No, I should not be on a horse.
- No, when it comes to horses, and
- I have no idea what I’m doing.
I’m sure that my new trainers could fix Nikki back up. But why? What’s the point? Under my care, he’s just going to revert to what he is now.
I’ve said it a million times – dedication, persistence, and patiently progressing towards a goal are not my strong points.
Add on top of that my inherent laziness.
Stupid dream.
Heart broken.
Danelle
Danielle rotated off 8 Women Dream in 2009 still working on her equestrian dreams.
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