How Online Dating Helped Me Realize My Zone of Genius

Last updated on July 11th, 2022 at 01:31 pm

It took me a while to pick out my username. I wanted it to reflect my spirit and to be memorable and fun since this was an online dating site, and my username and profile photo would be the first glimpse potential suitors would get of me.

I picked out a photo of myself in a blue sparkling backless gown from a dance event I had attended since this is of course my everyday attire. Okay, maybe not. But I figured, might as well make a good first impression. Of course, I included other profile pictures of me in slightly more casual outfits, like when I was “Miss Troy” for an event and dressed in an Uncle Sam hat, short red dress, white vinyl jacket, and white go-go boots.

Okay, maybe there were a few “normal” photos of me in jeans as well. In any event, I had fun filling out the profile.

This wasn’t my first foray ever into online dating, but I was diving back into the pool after some time away from it. I’d experimented with other online dating sites before, and met some men with whom I am still friends, but not found any lasting relationships through it.

And the dating pool available on other online dating sites seemed to be smaller in my geographic region of upstate NY. I tended to find myself dating men living in my former home, San Francisco. My brother recommended OkCupid because he’d had some luck with it recently. It’s free, he said, and you could customize your searches for matches, and they use a lot of interesting algorithms to calculate a match.

I was still a bit heartbroken after my break-up with my boyfriend around Valentine’s Day. Three months had passed and I was still feeling sad. I knew I needed to do something to cheer myself up, and what could be better than joining a new dating site that would remind me that there are indeed much fish in the sea?

Luckily, I found that OkCupid yielded many interesting matches within 25 miles of me. Amazing!

And, even better, it inadvertently helped me answer a question I’d let percolate for months about my “Zone of Genius,” after reading a book called The Big Leap by Gay Hendricks. Hendricks encourages us to reflect on the question of what work lies within our “Zone of Genius” ~ what is the work that we are not merely competent at, good at, or even excellent at, but that is simply our unique gift to offer to the world?

What I’m Really Good At

After plugging in the basics, OKCupid has a few essay-style questions you can answer that is open-ended. One simply asks you to describe what you are really good at.

What am I really good at? At first, I wrote down what usually pops to the top of my mind: I’m a good writer and dancer. I pick up foreign languages quickly. I’m good at math. Then I thought… No, what am I really good at? Unusually so? What is my “Zone of Genius”?

I wrote: “making people feel loved and appreciated.” That is something I do exceptionally well!

In fact, it feels like part of my life’s mission to help others, especially women, to recognize their own value. A big part of living our dreams is believing that we can, and to believe in our dreams, we need to believe that we are worthy of achieving them and having what we want in life.

Which Is Why Writing About Our Dreams Makes Sense!

I am currently building my business as a life coach and completing my memoir, Burning Down the House, which tells my own story of recovering from trauma, sexual assault, and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and building a life I love. For me, it’s really all about helping others, especially women, heal themselves and their lives. I enjoy helping people “find the Divine” within–tapping into their own deeper sense of inner wisdom, higher purpose, love, and light.

I truly believe that everyone already has within them all that they need to live all their dreams, be happy in this world, and make a positive contribution to society.

By accident, just by following my heart and stumbling along the winding path as it led me forward, I have discovered that I’m unusually good at helping others shine their light. Part of this includes helping people gain clarity on the vision for what they want to achieve, zeroing in on their heart’s desires for their lives, and then translating this into both long-term and short-term goals, and action steps.

And it’s about helping women to love themselves exactly as they are now, and to love the journey. All of this can be summarized as helping others live their happiest lives. This may just be my “Zone of Genius.” I think I’ve finally found it.

And, thank you OKCupid for accidentally helping to fill in another piece of the formula for me to live my dreams.

Inspired By A Dreamer

It was a story written by Catherine Hughes, that inspired me to write this story. She writes about remembering to breathe while living your big dream, she shared this quote by Dr. Adrianne Ahern:

“I have always believed that each one of us has a gift to offer – a special unique gift. A mentor of mine once wrote, ‘It is through the finding and giving of this gift that we may come to know the joy that lies at the center of both the dark times and the light’…”

I have found this to be true in my life. When I am doing what I am best at and giving from my heart, I do find that I live in a zone in which I experience a joy that “lies at the center of the dark times and the light.”

For me, that is helping to support others in creating their happiest lives. In fact, I teach workshops called “Creating Your Happiest Year Yet” in which we work on long-term and short-term visions and goals. My life coaching clients tend to get dazzling results in their lives, often achieving lifelong goals in seemingly miraculous ways and accelerated time frames.

I seem to be really good at this! And, I love this work.

Finding and recognizing the “genius” in ourselves is central, I believe, to living our dreams and creating what we want in life.

What is Your Zone of Genius?

The book The Big Leap asks readers to reflect on their “Zone of Genius” using the following 4 “Genius Questions”:

1. What do I most love to do? (I love it so much I can do it for long stretches of time without getting tired or bored.)

2. What work do I do that doesn’t seem like work? (I can do it all day long without ever feeling tired or bored.)

3. In my work, what produces the highest ratio of abundance and satisfaction to the amount of time spent? (Even if I do only ten seconds or a few minutes of it, an idea or a deeper connection may spring forth that leads to huge value.)

4. What is my unique ability? (There’s a special skill I’m gifted with. This unique ability fully realized and put to work, can provide enormous benefits to me and any organization I serve).

My OkCupid essay helped me to crystallize that giving people their own sense of value, helping to reflect it back to them, is something that I am gifted at. And, extrapolating from there, I really feel as though this vague notion I have had for years of wanting to be a “Joy Teacher” actually is my calling. I feel like I am here not just to live my own happy life, but to help others create lives that they genuinely love.

I didn’t use to believe that I was worthy of happiness. Now, I believe that everyone is, and I intend to do everything I can while on this planet to help others find true happiness ~ the kind that comes from the inside, the kind of lasting joy that comes from discovering our own sense of purpose and meaning and giving back our greatest gifts.