You Can Be Afraid And Still Begin Dating Again After Age 40

Last updated on October 27th, 2011 at 08:01 am

Maybe this dating dream of mine should be about accepting meeting men exactly as they are presented to me in my every day life and meet them with patience, tolerance, kindness and a brave face. After all, finding the right person is a numbers game.

It’s important to engage with the opposite sex wherever we encounter them, even if we’re choosing toothpaste in the grocery store at the time they cross our paths.

The more people we meet and the more productive we are with those we meet randomly, the greater chance we have of finding our match.

One of the biggest barriers to approaching members of the opposite sex when we are out in public is our own fears – which show up as excuses, like

“He (she for you hetero men) looks busy.”

“He’s distracted.”

“I’ll feel dumb.”

“He won’t be attracted to me.”

“I’m not dressed right.”

“He might not like being bothered.”

We want our dating situations to be perfect – we want them to be the way we want them to be – as if we have any control over another person – or life. We imagine some perfect situation, where the perfect person miraculously appears in the right place, at the right time.

Not going to happen. We’ll have to face our fears.

The only way to get around these fears showing up as excuses, is to make a promise to ourselves to make a commitment to our dating life. If we want to change our dating lives, then we need to make a contract with ourselves.

Sit down at your computer and create a dating contract with yourself, print it out, sign it and place it somewhere you can see it everyday.

Your contract with yourself could look something like this –

If a contract is too much, create an affirmation on an index card like –

Today I am going to approach every person I see who I am attracted to unless there is a realistic objection (the only realistic objection is that I can’t physically get near him/her) and at least say hello.

Keep this card handy and read the affirmation as you walk out the door each morning.

Then at night, write about your experiences in your dating journal I discussed creating in last week’s post,The Secret To Opening Yourself To Love. This will help track your feelings and how many times you are engaging with people you don’t know.

If all this seems completely foreign to you, remember it will become more comfortable over time. Eventually you will be able to engage with everyone who passes through your life and meet many potential romantic partners. You can see how it helps to start with greeting people when you are out in your life.

When you are out living your regular life you are more approachable because you are usually alone. When you are out with friends, your group can appear intimidating. It’s rare to find someone of the opposite sex confident to walk right up to a group of people hanging out to engage in a conversation with just one of them.

So saying hello and engage people when you are out and about in your life by yourself is good practice.

You are also not distracted when you are out alone. You are acting like yourself, being who you really are in your life.

And that’s attractive!

By being open, friendly, and willing to step outside your comfort zone, you can have an even better time in your regular life with simple pursuits like grocery shopping or going to the post office. Life is full of adventure and wonderful people to meet, if you open your mind and heart to it.

So why not try it?

So be afraid and say hello to everyone you see this week and tell me what happens!

Veronica

Veronica rotated off 8 Women Dream in December of 2010 after successfully accomplishing 2 dreams.