Do You Believe in Yourself and Your Dream?

Last updated on February 15th, 2024 at 04:44 pm

Lately, I’ve found myself grappling with doubts about my abilities, triggered by a series of recent events.

Take last weekend, for instance, when I attended the annual “pat-ourselves-on-the-back” dinner for the LaCanada float, our entrance to the Pasadena Tournament of Roses parade. It marked my 25th participation, more than most in the room.

Yet, despite my experience, I still felt a surge of surprise when greeted by familiar faces, eager conversations, and invitations to join various tables. Even delivering a simple “thank you” speech made me jittery enough to wear my red Hawaiian hat for comfort.

A quirky move, but it highlights my unease.

Similarly, discussions about a potentially challenging case left me momentarily adrift at my work as an attorney. When a colleague pointed out that disgruntled clients might benefit from hiring a trial attorney, I suddenly realized that I am a trial attorney. It’s these lapses in self-awareness that leave me questioning my competence.

And then there’s my struggle with learning bankruptcy law. After wrestling through my first Chapter 13 bankruptcy case, my immediate reaction to the daunting financial figures was to doubt my abilities, curse my aversion to numbers, and resign myself to the notion that mastering bankruptcy law was beyond me. It’s a familiar pattern: Can’t learn Spanish, can’t learn bankruptcy—because, of course, they’re essentially the same, right? (Spoiler alert: They’re not.)

However, a conversation with my supervising attorney provided a reality check: I hadn’t messed up; the client simply might not qualify for Chapter 13. Yet, despite such reassurances, this negative self-talk continues to sabotage my aspirations.

Questions linger: Will my horse Nikki ever improve enough for us to ride together like I dream? Will my self-confidence ever return? It’s perplexing how my self-assurance in certain realms, like my expertise in designing Deco Chairs or navigating float-related affairs for the Pasadena Rose Parade (except for those nerve-wracking dinner speeches), fails to translate into other areas of my life.

So, how do I bridge this gap?

I remember the adage, “Fake it until you make it.” Acting confidently, even when unsure, can eventually manifest genuine confidence. But what about when you’re unsure how to act confidently in the first place?

It’s a conundrum: Do-be-do… and then what?

Perhaps the answer lies in seeking inspiration from within. Confidence, after all, isn’t an elusive treasure waiting to be discovered; it’s a muscle that needs flexing. Maybe it’s about embracing small victories, acknowledging past successes, and recognizing that growth often emerges from discomfort. Building confidence is a journey; progress often comes through consistent effort and self-reflection.

As I navigate this journey toward self-belief, I’m reminded that confidence isn’t just about dreaming—it’s about daring to pursue those dreams, even when plagued by doubts. And maybe, just maybe, by challenging those doubts head-on, I’ll find the courage to dream even bigger.

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Danelle Jacobs is an attorney and realtor in Northern California and manages the implementation of the LaCanada floats each year at the Pasadena Rose Parade.