The Art of Dying to Live Your Dream

Last updated on September 11th, 2024 at 03:54 pm

Anyone who was or is heavy into comic books, Superman, or Seinfeld will know what “The Bizarro World” is.

For those of you who don’t, allow me to enlighten you.

The Bizarro World, also known as Htrae (earth spelled backward), is a cube-shaped fictional planet home to Bizarro and his companions. They rival Superman, Lois Lane, and their children. In other words, everything is the opposite of everything on earth, and all things are “normal.” Up is down, black is white, hello is said “goodbye,” and vice versa.

Over the past few months, I have been creating my own Bizarro world.

One night, I felt bad physically. My irritable bowel syndrome flared, my sinuses became blocked, and I felt exhausted. The only strenuous thing I’d done was worry about things I couldn’t control. What scared me most was that my chest hurt. It hurt bad.

I took my blood pressure.  It was too high for someone who takes blood pressure medications. I looked at the clock and thought, “OK, this may be a heart attack, but it could be allergy-related.”  My thoughts went a million miles an hour while my anxiety rose. I grabbed my cordless phone.

I held it in my hand, staring at it, ready to push 911.

I’ve had thoughts of paramedics since moving here. Mostly, they happen in the wee hours of the morning when I experience symptoms of chest pain, shortness of breath, dizziness, and thoughts of impending doom.  In the past, I’d feel the anxiety attack subsiding, and I’d snap into the present, look at the paramedics, and say, “Oh my God, I am so sorry. I wasted your time. I feel like a fool.”  Before pushing 911, I told myself, “If this isn’t a heart attack, and it’s just anxiety, I am going to be embarrassed if I call paramedics to come here, but if it is a heart attack and I don’t call, I will die.”

I decided to take the risk and die.

My thoughts switched to how I felt about dying at that given moment. Part of me was scared to death (pun intended), while a bigger part was completely at peace with it.
I was at peace with myself. Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t wish to die. I just felt like if I did, it would be OK; if I didn’t, it would also be OK. If I died (figuratively), I would be born again, and this is what I’ve been waiting to happen. It’s not something one necessarily works toward, yet I know I have to kill off parts of me that don’t serve me positively before I can accomplish some of my dreams.

So I died, and the risk I took to die helped me live much better when I woke up. On the dream journey, there can be things you dislike about yourself. You may have many regrets. Your dream can begin with a bang, then fizzle like a dud in a fireworks pack.

You lay down your dream by the side of the road and say you will return to it later. You may become distracted because being distracted is attractive and comfortable. Those distractions can lead to another dream (or so you think it’s one) that you won’t fulfill either.

If this resonates with you,  I believe it’s because …

You have to die to live your dream.

That night, I thought, “If I live, what are the most important things to me?” None of my current dreams popped into my head. Not cooking, not traveling. Forgiveness and falling in love were the first things that came to mind. But it was about forgiving and falling in love with myself.

If we all did this, we’d accomplish our dreams. There would be no regret or vicious cycle of “I can’t do this because…”

That night, part of me died–figuratively.

I can’t explain my feelings, but it’s like no other. It was clear that I needed to do what was best for me. I needed to bust up the shit that ruled my life for years and interfered with my dreams. I knew in that second I had to get off of my ass and start working out again. I knew that my weight had the potential to hurt me physically and prevent me from living the life of my dreams.

Enough.

I have always been an athlete. What the hell happened? Despair? Trauma? Depression? I can’t use them as excuses anymore.

Don’t let your unfortunate past harm your future dreams.

Your past can’t be altered, and your future doesn’t deserve the punishment. The day after my heart scare, I went to a place that is very important to me and transcends me just being there.  A tennis court.

I recently joined a tennis league because playing tennis was a dream I fulfilled a long time ago. I’d laid that dream down on the side of the road because, after Hurricane Katrina, I had laid many good things in my life away. Back in 1981, I won the New Orleans Open tennis tournament. It was one of my greatest personal accomplishments. Now, 23 years later, even with lead in my ass, I still can hit a tennis ball that smokes when it hits the ground, and I am proud to say that I am amazing on a tennis court.

My tennis group split up into one court for singles and one for doubles. I chose doubles first because I knew it would be better for me to build stamina and consistency again. The doubles court had four people: three men and me.

The insecure part of me thought, “Are you kidding? These guys are going to leave you in their dust.  My tennis partner is so screwed with me playing on his team!!”

Yada. Yada.

The more I thought about that, the more the balls I hit into the net. My partner and I lost points. Well, we had no points and had not won a game. We were at “love” in the score. My old thought patterns were defeating me until the Bizarro Maria kicked in. I stopped for a minute and thought about a T-shirt I had designed …

“Love means nothing to a tennis player”

The more I visualized that saying on my t-shirt, the more focused I became on the one point, moment, and the yellow, fuzzy ball. I didn’t let it out of my sight. I started hitting unreachable shots. It was Bizarro tennis. I felt confident as I entered the singles court. I won my match.

When I got home, my food choices were different. Instead of a heavy, calorie-laden snack, I ate roasted seaweed and a plum. Think about your dreams as if you were going to die. What would be the most important things to you that would make you happy?

Do them.

Start creating your own “Bizarro” world and see how things change for you. See how pursuing your dreams suddenly feels like a piece of cake instead of a chore. Feel free to die (figuratively).  Look at the parts of you that have been sabotaging your dreams for too many years. Say, “Buh bye” to them. You have every right to embrace them because, in a way, they’ve protected you for a long time. Then, kill them.

Today, I’m sharing a Bizzaro Maria recipe. It’s easy, economical, unique, enjoyable, and, most of all, guilt-free.

Chayotes are known by many names depending on one’s geographical location. In New Orleans, Louisiana, they are known as mirlitons and are very popular during the Christmas Holidays. Chayotes are also very popular in Latin American countries. It is a vegetable in the gourd family that can be cooked in many ways. Today, you will learn how to stuff it without the guilt of 8 pounds of breadcrumbs.

I wish you a beautiful death so you can live your dreams.

Bizarro Shrimp Stuffed Chayote

Serves 2 ( as a small portion)

• 1 Large chayote
• 1/4 pound or more 21-25 count shrimp
• Olive oil
• Salt
• Black pepper
• Dried thyme
• Fresh chopped garlic
• Fresh grated romano or parmesan
• Panko Bread Crumbs (optional)

Boil the chayote until you can put a knife through it easily.   Cool the chayote in ice water. Season shrimp with salt, black pepper, and thyme, and sauté in olive oil.   Remove and let cool. Sauté garlic quickly in olive oil and remove before it turns brown.   Split the chayote in half and scoop the inside, leaving a bit of flesh to keep the “shell” together. Scoop flesh into a bowl and mash with a potato masher.  Chop the shrimp roughly and add to the bowl with the sautéed garlic.   Stir well and taste.  Add some grated cheese, but reserve some for the top.

(You can add some panko bread crumbs if the mixture is tight, but don’t add too much.)

Taste and adjust seasoning. Stuff the chayote shells with the shrimp mixture and place them in a baking dish with water, shrimp, or chicken stock. Top with the remaining cheese and bake at 400 degrees until the stuffing is heated and the cheese bubbles.

In New Orleans, this was a regular menu in my home.  My mother would serve it with buttered angel hair and a salad. If you don’t mind the carbs, this is an awesome combination.   By the way, the entire chayote is edible, so you can eat the shell and have a happy plate when you’re finished.

Ensure the chayote is boiled long enough for the entire vegetable to tender.

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Maria Vieages is a self-employed private chef who lives and cooks in the best of two worlds: the northern California wine country and The Big Easy, Louisiana. You can find her at ChefMariaV.com.