It’s OK to Be The Hot Mess While You Are Dreaming Big

Last updated on November 11th, 2019 at 02:41 pm

One of the upsides to writing about self-confidence is taking a challenging situation and turning it into good.

This week, I met with a good friend to catch up on our lives. We talked about things we’re currently working through, situations we’ve overcome, big dreams we are working toward, and how those dreams can suddenly change.

My dear friend offered me an excellent nugget of insight. She looked me straight in the eyes and said, “You can be “not OK” at this moment. It doesn’t mean you’ll never be OK again. But focusing on thinking something will be forever is intimidating and impossible to know. Focusing on today is how you get through!”

It’s OK not to be OK. You’ll be OK again.

If you find that you are currently struggling with a painful experience, ask yourself, “What if I permit yourself to be this hot mess?” Getting off your back can help you improve. Let go of the shame. Throw away the guilt. Understand it’s all temporary. Embrace your hot messiness. Anything that gets you to say you’re hot is good. Admitting that you don’t have it all together all the time is realistic.

Own your hot mess and make it empowering.

Let’s face it, life can be messy sometimes. We cannot possibly exist in this world without getting a little holy mother of god that’s a lot of dirt thrown at us now and then. Risks can turn out to be sour, but it shouldn’t mean you should stop taking them. No risk–no reward, remember?

I admit:

I am a hot mess. I am not always the perfect mom. But I am enfolding arms and cheek-to-cheek comfort when children need hugs and love. I’m not the perfect partner, but I wake up each day and I keep trying. I’m not always the best friend I can be, but when I am all in, I’m there 150%. I’m not as healthy as some, but I’m healthier than I was a few years ago.

We can be simultaneously hot and a mess.

We can become frustrated at the people who hurt us when we feel like we are failing at our big dream. As a dreamer, you can’t worry if you’re living up to someone else’s expectations. Give yourself permission to fail from time-to-time.

You can push yourself to still give support to those people who depend on you, but you must take time to care for yourself–even if it’s merely taking a walk or sneaking in a hot bath. Sometimes coloring with your children can feel like self-care as you turn your drawing into a piece of art.

You don’t have to have it all together all of the time. It’s OK to be a hot mess. Sometimes you’ll feel more messy than hot. Today I’m giving you permission to cry if things aren’t going your way. Then wipe your cheeks off, get back up and focus on getting through the day. The days of feeling hotter and less messy will come. Take a day off from your big dream. Regroup. Breathe. Blow your nose.

I invite you to share a photo of yourself with a supportive friend (or friends) at a time when you are feeling like a hot mess. The picture can be from a day the kids are behaving crazy, but you rock your hair and get out of bed on time. Get out your phone and take a selfie. Or a day that you don’t do anything to your appearance, but feel pretty because you brushed your teeth well. Get out your phone and take a selfie. Or a day you know you look like an overwhelmed mom in a pair of old jeans and a kid-stained shirt, but when you stare at your glowing baby, you remind yourself just how essential you are. Get out your phone and take a selfie.

My guess is your dear friend (or friends) will look at your selfie and tell you they think you are incredible–because you are–a hot mess and you aren’t ashamed to show it. And that’s confidence!

Iman Woods