This week, I’ve been working hard at finishing an article I started a month ago about selling online products and making money online.
Part of my top blogging dream is my obsession to help people be successful online.
What is my motto?
“Your dreams can come true… let me show you how.”
But I must confess that lately every time that I sit down at the computer to help you, my personal life punches me in the mouth and I can’t bring myself to write.
A N Y T H I N G
Did I mention that life has been kicking my and my dream’s ass?
Yeah, hello 2013.
Since the beginning of this year, I have been sharing how to make money online, so that I can offer the truth about putting your faith in winning online. I wanted to counter all of the “everyone can make money online” hype out there making long dead, snake oil salespeople proud. My plan, when I started this website, was that everyone who wrote here would (honestly) share how dream life really is — even when it completely sucks — as it often can, and why you shouldn’t give up on your dreams.
Note to you: my life has sucked ever since January of this year, when my mother’s doctor stood in the hallway of the hospital she once worked in as an RN in the early 1960’s (the very same hospital that repaired my toddler face when I over-zealously ran in front of a bicycle that tried to smash my face — irregardless of how hard the poor, young boy rider tried to avoid colliding with my apple-doll face that ended up in the emergency room facing my brilliant mom) and was told that my mother had six months- to-a-year to live.
Then I was told that it was Alzheimer’s disease.
I wanted to scream for my dad. But he’s been dead for 35 years.
I must confess, it’s been hard to get out of bed some days. The idea that there may come a time when my mother will not remember me slaps me awake in the middle of the night and I bury my face in my pillow calling for my dad, then I wonder how life will be without her. I already know what it’s like to live years without a parent. The memories of my father’s death still haunt my soul and cause me to despise this period of time even more than it normally would. Hey, I am an imperfect soul who sucks at goodbyes.
But I want to write this post instead of struggling to finish the online product post I’d planned to let you know that this revelation about my mother doesn’t mean that I am down for the count. It’s just going to take me a bit to share my online product/money-making ideas with you.
I felt compelled to share with you what I am experiencing so that you will know that there will be things that hit you hard while you are on your dream path. Here I have this great post on making money online and it’s hell to finish while I keep thinking about my mom. I wanted her to live long enough to see me become uber-successful at this publishing dream that I am so passionate about. I LOVE running an online publication.
Would it have spoiled some vast eternal plan to let her live long enough to see my success with it?
Too much thinking about this feels like a knife slicing up my heart.
My dear friends, sometimes all of our dreams can’t come true — because life will have other plans. But I do believe that there is at least one dream that we can all accomplish in our lifetime. Something that says that you were here — that you mattered — that you gave it your all. Maybe my mother’s big dream was to see her daughter do exactly what I am doing right now, this minute. Maybe this is why her time is calling her. Maybe I am more amazing than I know. Maybe she already sees me as complete.
Who knows about life … maybe I am suppose to get to know Alzheimer’s disease. I can tell you right now that I hate it with all of my being — as much as I hated cancer.
It’s OK to be stuck with your dream. It’s OK to feel sorrow. It’s OK to have your life fall apart while you are pursuing your dream. Just see it for what it is: life.
Allow yourself the time to grieve then get back in the game.
This post is for every single one of you experiencing the same. Don’t give up.