• LAUNCH YOUR DREAM
  • BE A MOTIVATIONAL SPEAKER
  • STARTING OVER MIDLIFE
  • HAPPINESS THROUGH ACTIVISM
  • TRAVEL THE WORLD
  • GET HEALTHY & FIT
  • BUILD SELF-CONFIDENCE
  • BRAVE LIVING
  • WRITE WITH US

8WomenDream

Dream Big Stories

  • HOME
  • ABOUT
  • CONNECT
You Are Here Home » STARTING OVER MIDLIFE » Starting Over at Midlife: The Journey Begins

in STARTING OVER MIDLIFE

Starting Over at Midlife: The Journey Begins

Last updated on January 22nd, 2019 at 02:56 pm

Starting Over at Midlife: Every day is a journey, and the journey itself is home. - Matsuo Basho
I can’t even remember where I got it. But that old folding chair with the wood slats and great, simple lines sat on my back porch year after year.

The light-colored wood was unfinished and rough. It had years of water stains and the scars of a blemished past from head to toe. Each spring, I would put a pot with flowers on the seat, but the porch was too hot in the summer and the pot had to be moved, so it went back to a chair with no purpose.

My little porch was too small and too hot to enjoy most of the year. When I first got the chair (can’t remember where), I had a plan. I was going to paint it. But two things were working against me; my father’s voice and my own procrastination.

Starting Over at Midlife: A chair I had wanted to paint

Before: a reminder of my inability to make changes.

I was raised by parents of the depression. They worked hard for everything they had.

My parents took care of the things they acquired and that included, as the times dictated – a lot of pieces of furniture that were made of solid wood. They took pride in their wooden pieces, polishing them, and not allowing food or drink to touch their surfaces.

Needless to say, I was raised to believe that painting such objects was very close to sinful. So, that chair, the one I had plans for, just sat on my back porch.

I like to buy items of possibility. Maybe they’re slightly broken. Maybe they have good bones but need the surface cleaned or shined.

Or maybe I’ve thought of a way to re-purpose the piece. It fits right in with the current wave of shabby chic decor.

But there’s a problem:

Try as I might, I almost never follow through on what I intend. I’m sure there’s a psychological reason for this, but darned if I know what it is. Sometimes I even purchase everything I need to re-do the piece; the stain, fabric, sandpaper, tools.

And then it sits.

It gradually gets pushed to the back, tucked in a closet, stuck in a corner. Or put on the back porch. Every time I come across that object, there’s a niggling feeling of failure. And yet, that doesn’t push me to do something about it.

And so sit my projects, a constant reminder that I am incapable of taking even the smallest steps toward change.

Then . . .

Several months ago, and after many years of marriage, I was finally moving out. My Soon-To-Be-Ex (STBX) had moved out already, and now it was my turn. We’d lived in our home for more than 20-years.

I’d spent weeks packing up everything from paperclips and jewelry, to blankets and furniture.

The process made me realize something I hadn’t before: I was really alone in this.

I have friends, and I have family. But packing things up, knowing what will move with me and what will go to Goodwill or the trash, wasn’t something I could delegate. I was exhausted, but I had to keep moving.

It was the night before my rented moving truck would be coming. I’d put out a distress call to all of my son’s friends – the ones who own a weight lifting studio, and they were set to arrive at 8am to help me pack up and move all of my possessions to my new house. I’d walked past that dingy chair dozens of times, and now I was packing up cans of spray paint, and sandpaper.

Spray paint, I thought.

Starting Over at Midlife: The same chair after

After: a reminder that I can do this – one baby step at a time!

This time I didn’t just glance at the chair as I passed it. I actually stopped and looked at it.

The sun was going down – it was nearly dark. But something propelled me forward. I grabbed the can of turquoise paint with one hand and the chair in the other. My weary body was suddenly energized. I didn’t think. I gave the wood a quick sanding.

And then, I just started spraying.

It got darker and darker as I sprayed one coat after the other, taking it up to the porch under the light to see if I’d missed any spots. Then I’d go back down to the grass, where the grass was slightly blue now, to put on another coat. Five coats later, it was dark. I pulled the chair up to the porch for the last time, so it wouldn’t get hit by the sprinklers in the morning.

Pleased with myself, I went back to packing boxes and carrying them to the carport for the morning crew. Every time I peeked out at the chair, it made me smile.

I went to bed dead-tired that night. It was the last night in my married home.

Early the next morning, the guys got to work. They packed the U-haul from side to side, and front to back. It was jammed (carefully) with everything I owned. I didn’t want to make multiple trips. I wanted it to be done – finally. The truck heavy with my life’s belongings, I went through the house one last time to be sure I hadn’t forgotten anything. On the back porch was my now-turquoise chair, again making me smile.

“Aw . . .I’m sorry. I almost forgot you,” I said.

Yes, I was talking to the chair.

I packed it up. When I arrived at my new house, I symbolically took my chair out and set it by the back door, where it has remained. My daughter noticed it first, asking me when I painted it.

“Last night,” I said.

She just laughed.

Spring turned into summer and summer into fall. As I write this, it is mid-winter and spring is trying to push through the frozen ground.

As I venture into this new life, I am reminded that I can take small steps. I can get things done. That chair, small as it is, is a daily reminder of that. It’s a baby step. And it represents something else too–color. Somehow over the years, for a couple of reasons I understand and many that I don’t–the life I built around me had become very bland.

My living room at the old house was almost completely brown. Brown sofa, dark woods, tan carpet and so forth. It’s time to bring color back into my life. My little chair was as good a place as any–to begin.

Sometimes it’s the journey that teaches you a lot about your destination. –Drake

I’ve been in my new house for eight months. Doing everything that needs to be done is overwhelming some times, exhausting other times, and rewarding all the time. Starting over at midlife alone is something I never thought I’d be doing.

But I’m doing it.

I may feel completely incompetent most of the time, but at the end of the day, I am doing it; one day at a time.

In the weeks to come, follow me on this unknown, scary, and exciting journey – starting over at 50.

Next week: A photo tour of my 105-year old house, and I begin to seek an answer to the question; Where do I begin?

Karen Fisher-Alaniz
Hitting the Reset Button at Midlife

[fbcomments]

Related Stories:

  • Starting Over Karens house
    Starting Over at Midlife
  • Manzanita vacation 2 027
    Starting Over At Midlife: A Fresh Look at Resolutions
  • J.K. Rowling quote
    5 Best Quotes for the Writer Starting at Midlife
  • 100-calorie-snack-options
    Healthy Snacks for Female Triathletes Starting the…
Karen Alaniz
Karen Fisher-Alaniz

Karen Alaniz is a writer, published author, and a home renovation expert now that she’s remodeled an old farmhouse by herself. She strives to help women who are scared it may be too late to start over after a certain age and she encourages empty-nest women to invent a new, prosperous and full life–just like she has done. You can read more about Karen on her Amazon Author page.

Note: Articles by Karen may contain affiliate links and may be compensated if you make a purchase after clicking on an affiliate link.

Filed Under: STARTING OVER MIDLIFE

Some of the posts on 8WD contain affiliate links or links to purchase products or programs from 8WD contributors. This means 8WD or the contributor may make a small commission if you make a purchase. The 8WD affiliate links help offset the cost of hosting this website and the contributor links help support the dreams of the contributor. Please check out the 8WD Legal Page for more details.

Thank you for your continued support!

« 9 Ways to Compare an Amateur vs Professional Dreamer
Perimenopause Fitness: A New Fitness Challenge »

Check it out

  • LAUNCH YOUR DREAM
  • BE A MOTIVATIONAL SPEAKER
  • STARTING OVER MIDLIFE
  • HAPPINESS THROUGH ACTIVISM
  • TRAVEL THE WORLD
  • GET HEALTHY & FIT
  • BUILD SELF-CONFIDENCE
  • BRAVE LIVING
  • WRITE WITH US


The 8WomenDream Dream Tote Bag

About the 8WomenDream Tote Bag
US – 10oz Cotton
Dimensions (External Dimensions)
• Height – 18″ (45.72cm or 457.2mm)
• Width – 15″ (38.1cm or 381mm)
Handle Dimensions (Internal Dimensions)
• Length – 29″ (73.7cm or 736.6mm)

Recent Dream Stories

  • 8 Solstice Traditions for Focusing on Your Big Dream this Year
  • Winter Solstice: What Will You Do With 1 Minute More?
  • Why Halloween Costumes Can Help Discover Your Big Dream
  • How the Equinox Can be a Catalyst for Change
  • 5 Strategies to Live Your Wildest Dreams
  • Starting Over as a Single Mom Wasn’t My Big Dream
  • Warning: Big Dream to Be a Motivational Speaker Won’t Always Obey Your Plans
  • Dance to Relieve Stress to Focus on Your Big Dream

Inspiration

More About 8WD

WE BELIEVE EVERYONE HAS THE POWER TO ACHIEVE BIG DREAMS.
 
IT IS OUR SINCEREST WISH THROUGH THE SHARING OF PERSONAL STORIES ABOUT WHAT IT’S LIKE TO TRY TO ACHIEVE A BIG DREAM THAT WE WILL INSPIRE YOU GO AFTER A BIG DREAM TOO.
 
YOU CAN FIND OUT MORE ABOUT 8WOMENDREAM, HERE.

8 WOMEN DREAM | COPYRIGHT All RIGHTS RESERVED © 2025 · LEGAL

Welcome to 8WomenDream Where Big Dreams Are Shared
The 8WomenDream website uses cookies to improve your experience. We'll assume you're OK with this, but you can opt-out if you wish. ACCEPT REJECT READ MORE
Privacy & Cookies Policy

Privacy Overview

This website uses cookies to improve your experience while you navigate through the website. Out of these, the cookies that are categorized as necessary are stored on your browser as they are essential for the working of basic functionalities of the website. We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website. These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. But opting out of some of these cookies may affect your browsing experience.
Necessary
Always Enabled
Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. This category only includes cookies that ensures basic functionalities and security features of the website. These cookies do not store any personal information.
Non-necessary
Any cookies that may not be particularly necessary for the website to function and is used specifically to collect user personal data via analytics, ads, other embedded contents are termed as non-necessary cookies. It is mandatory to procure user consent prior to running these cookies on your website.
SAVE & ACCEPT