Last updated on November 5th, 2019 at 11:05 pm
As I continue to move further toward my dream of publishing horror stories, I have discovered I harbor a constant need to win.
This is a surprise to me as I have never considered myself competitive. I have, in fact, given credit for my work to other people; allowed them to take credit may be a better description.
Driving yourself to win can be a good thing, but I have found an ugly side as well. Here are three examples from both sides.
1. Enter writing competitions: Okay, the need to win here is a good trait. If I want to keep moving forward with my writing, then I need to gain some recognition, right?
2. Take a class with a child: My daughter and I are taking a medical terminology course at the Santa Rosa Junior College. I am taking the class to assist in my job search for work that will sustain me financially while I write on the side. My daughter is taking the course to enter the medical field as a career. Her reasons are purely altruistic, while the need for a paycheck motivates me.
So why do I feel the need to always win?
I am in my forties going back to school for the first time since high school. She is my 22-year-old daughter. If that doesn’t explain it to you, then I am afraid you will never get it. However, the need to win in this case makes me feel like a horrible person. She is my daughter, and I want her to do well.
I need to do better.
3. Wrestle with a spouse: I thought I was relatively physically strong, but then I challenged my husband to a wrestling match. Ha! It might have been more of a challenge for him if he had been drunk, and I had a backup wrestling team. I blindly went into our match thinking could win. I will never win this challenge–never.
But I did everything possible to win, even at the risk of injury.
I think there may be times when you should know to stop even if it means you won’t win.
The need to win can become ugly, both mentally and physically, not to mention painful. I think it’s important to keep trying, though.
Dawnda Schaefer
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