Why Beef is Like Great Sex

Last updated on April 27th, 2014 at 12:47 pm

When it comes to being a private chef, I try to accommodate every client with the thought “Whatever you wish” and then blow their minds with great food.

But my favorite type of clients are those who love a great piece of meat.

Those of you who are not vegetarian can relate to a good piece of meat. The rest of you can relate to great sex (also known as a good piece of meat). Hopefully, most can relate to both.

Brian Good, of Men’s Health and the Sex for Life Diet recently wrote the following —

The protein in the meat will naturally boost levels of dopamine and norepinephrine, two chemicals in the brain that heighten sensitivity during sex,” says Ward.

Your steak’s also stuffed with zinc—a mineral that boosts libido by reducing your body’s production of a hormone called prolactin, which may interfere with arousal.

And best of all, eating red meat can help boost your testosterone level while limiting your body’s production of SHBG (sex hormone binding globulin).

There you go.

Lately, I’ve had a lot of interaction with clients wanting beef, so this week I’m writing about the sexiness of meat.

A recent client requested, “A good steak” for dinner, but his health-conscious wife frowned at the idea of eating red meat.

Since she seemed to rule the roost, he compromised and asked for grass-fed beef instead. OK, that will help (insert eye roll here). When I asked him what cut of beef he wanted, he replied, “Rib-eye–They are the best.” I agreed and began making dinner plans and menu notes.

His wife interjected again and they had a quiet discussion about Rib-eyes. He came back to me with, “If we’re going to eat beef, let’s keep it healthy. Give us 2 ounces each.” It took every fiber of my being to not fall on to the floor laughing.

I responded, “I’m not sure that’s possible, especially with a Rib-eye steak.” He then suggested I buy one Rib-eye and divide it between four people. I immediately thought,

“These people must not know about great sex.”

On the other hand, I recently had a group of 14 who loved life. They loved food, booze, laughter, and over-indulging. They definitely knew what they wanted. One of them said to me, “Grill the whole tenderloin and make it ‘rock’, but whatever you do — do NOT overcook it.” I thought, “You’re speaking my language, dude.”

As a chef, when I look at cows, I feel sad because I know their destiny. It’s not enough to make me give up beef. To me, beef is one of the most sensual, indulgent things you can put in your mouth. There are so many ways to prepare its juiciness and I haven’t found a single recipe with beef that I didn’t like.

I haven’t even mentioned the marrow yet, which in itself, is a religious experience.

There is so much that can be done with beef.

There’s a nice, big, juicy hamburger — which is simply awesome to inhale. Then there’s beef tacos, beef stroganoff, beef meatballs . . . I could go on and on about beef, but I am afraid that I would begin to sound like Bubba Gump with all his shrimp talk from the movie, Forest Gump.

My favorite way to prepare and eat beef is by grilling or searing a whole cut and slicing it. For me placing my hands on the raw beef is sexy. I trim it of the inedible parts with all the passion of getting ready for a hot date, then I move on to marinating and seasoning it — that’s my foreplay.

Beef is like great sex because it can be handled gently or handled rough and it will respond to both. Sometimes you even need to tie it up. The entire courtship progresses naturally from beef’s most vulnerable raw state to its climax, where you find yourself leaning back in your chair completely satisfied.

My two favorite ways of preparing beef are either searing beef or grilling it over an open flame — both have their own unique advantages.

The advantage of searing beef in a big skillet or roasting pan is that you capture the juices that become part of the final dish. (Just remember when you are searing beef on a hot surface to make sure it’s very brown before you turn it. This will guarantee the sealing in of the awesome juices inside.)

After searing the beef, roast it until it’s rare in the middle (120 degrees on an instant read thermometer) and medium rare to medium on the ends (140 degrees). Let it rest for a few more minutes and start the climax: Bearnaise sauce. Bearnaise sauce is hollandaise sauce with reduced vinegar and tarragon. It’s incredibly rich and nothing but fat so don’t miss out on it.

The advantage of grilling beef is the pretty grill marks and smokey flavor.

If you want to make your beef rondevu interesting (and bypass the heavy sauces), take the juices from the beef after you’ve seared it, reduce it, throw in some chilies, grate some orange zest, and hit it with some balsamic vinegar.

Slice the tenderloin into nice chunks and lay it on a platter with some grilled veggies.

Add the Bearnaise sauce, or drain the juices and the chilies over the meat.

No carnivore can tell me that this eating experience will not be like great sex.

Come on, try.

Meanwhile I leave you with Gordon Ramsay on How to Cook the Perfect Steak