Breaking the Echoes: Dealing with Bullying Words and Finding Humor

Last updated on December 14th, 2023 at 03:50 pm

Once upon a time, the echoes of toxic words lingered in the corridors of my mind, a haunting refrain of toxic ammunition that had been fired towards me since childhood.

The wounds inflicted by those who were supposed to love me became silent bullies, bullying me long after they had left the room, feeding the self-doubt and insecurities that festered within.

“Not good enough,” one would say, a three-letter string that resonated louder than any other. And so, like a broken record, I played this voice in my head, a constant reminder of perceived inadequacy.

As women with big dreams and aspirations, we carry the weight of these words. They become the lenses through which we view ourselves, tainting our self-perception with the toxic ink of a loved one’s cruelty. The three-letter and four-letter f-words etched themselves onto the canvas of our self-worth, creating a distorted masterpiece that we carried with us into adulthood.

The healing journey is tumultuous, navigating through the wreckage of a past where hurtful words were thrown like daggers. But healing, I believe, is the antidote to perpetuating the cycle of pain. If we can mend our own wounds, we are less likely to inflict them upon others.

Yet, breaking free from the chains of verbal abuse is not as simple as snapping one’s fingers. The scars of toxic relationships run deep, and the echoes of hurtful phrases become a twisted lullaby that plays on a loop in our minds.

One day during a high school tennis practice, my sister yelled, “Service!” as you do hundreds of times when you’re practicing. Then she got silly and said it repeatedly, changing the sound. We thought it was hilarious. The more she said it, the less the word meant.

Why can’t we do the same with the negative words from our encounters with our toxic people?

I’ve learned to ask, “Says who? Who made you the expert on my life?” when hearing the refrain of “That’s awful!”  judging my choices and actions. But in response, humor becomes a shield, deflecting the negativity and allowing us to respond in our heads with resilience.

The insidious nature of these toxic words extends beyond mere insults. “Liar!” is another, planting seeds of doubt in your truth. But in the fortress of your mind, stand firm and counter with, “Yes, it’s a lie that I believed this time you would act like a grown-up.”

The journey to self-love is fraught with challenges, but humor becomes a powerful ally. “Drama Queen” is another label toxic people like to use when they’ve purposely hurt you, attempting to diminish your voice and true feelings. In your mental realm, retort, “Your crown is covered in thorns, by the way.”

The arsenal of responses crafted in the crucible of humor is a shield against the barrage of negativity. It’s a declaration that the words of the past do not define me. “Rude!” they scoff, attempting to reduce you to a mere child. But within, reclaim your power, responding in your mind, “Now you’re just talking like the four-year-old you are.” But don’t take their baiting you to respond.

Like a relentless storm, toxic bullying by those who are supposed to love you may persist until they cease projecting their self-hatred onto you. However, the choice to internalize their words is ours. In the face of toxicity, we can choose self-love, rewriting the narrative that once sought to break us.

The journey is ongoing, but with each humorous retort, we reclaim a piece of ourselves, building a fortress of resilience against the echoes of a toxic past.

And that’s a dream come true for all of us.