Guest Dreamer: Val Boyko, Mother Whisperer Stepping Out of The Box

Last updated on May 23rd, 2012 at 11:10 am

Thanks Rayne for inviting me to share my point of view. As a coach my job is to look at different perspectives and explore possibilities, so this is right up my alley!

I like to step out of the box and challenge “stuck” thinking, ways of being and behaving. I’m not in the healing business like a therapist. I’m in the “moving forward and creating a great life” business.

When we step out of our own story and take a bigger perspective, we see that most mothers give birth to a human being and a whole bunch of things.

It’s a birthing of hopes, dreams, and possibilities for the future and a new generation, a birthing of the child’s own talent, creativity and beauty. At that moment there are great hopes.

Yet life goes on and things get tangled.

There are mothers who hope for things for their child. Mothers who hope for things for themselves, Mothers who hope for things for themselves through their child. Along the way hopes can get dashed and are replaced with disappointment, hurt, blame and unfulfilled dreams.

The results are: daughters who don’t know who they truly are as adult women; daughters who are still trying to be free from their mothers’ power and influence; daughters who keep hoping for their mothers to love them the way they want; daughters who cannot get over the loss of their mothers.

At the end of the day we are all seeking peace of mind.

We started Mother Whisperers because we found that most women do NOT have wonderful relationships with their mothers.

Most mother daughter relationships can be challenging and have their share of drama and turmoil. (If there are no ups and downs then someone is drinking cool-aid!)

Mother Whisperers wants to inspire and support adult daughters to create the
relationship they want with their mothers and find peace of mind.

If the relationship is not possible, for whatever reason, then we can pass on the legacy of healthy, loving and authentic mother daughter relationships to the next generation and beyond.

So, how do we get from a place of hurt to a place of self empowerment?

Therapy looks at what is wrong, why it has happened in the past and how the person can be healed. For many daughters of toxic mothers this has been a godsend.

However, there comes a time for many of us, when we are ready to move on from the healing.

This is when we step into our own power.

It can look like this:

• Instead of looking at what’s wrong, you start to look at what’s right.
• You appreciate life. You embrace your good marriage, children or a daughter who is expressing herself to the world.
• You are ready to show and receive love, despite the past.
• You feel good about yourself.
• You start to see possibilities about how your life can be different.
• You are prepared to make some changes and move towards the relationship you want.

Do you find yourself getting stuck in the past and what’s wrong? What’s right for you in your life now? How could you build on, that rather than being stuck in what’s wrong?

Val Boyko Tiberia

From Val’s bio on Mother Whisperers: Val is a Scot and an American, living outside of Philadelphia with her new husband and three dogs. She is a certified career and leadership coach who specializes in effective communication. Her vision is for a world where we understand one another, accept differences and are at peace, and it all starts with ourselves! As a coach, Val works in global corporations and with individuals who are navigating change, want to communicate more effectively and build better relationships. In 2010 Val also became a registered yoga teacher and Mom to a third pup!

Speaking for myself –

“As a Mother Whisperer, I drew the line at using a leash and barking collar as I practiced my own mastery with my mother :) Humor has always been an important part of me — as an expression of my joy, and as a way to handle the stresses of life. The ability to laugh at myself and see the lighter side of life has worked for me. My yoga practice has also taught me how to be fully present, and that has been such a gift in dealing with life’s ups and downs — including my own mother relationship! I’m looking forward to sharing these experiences and more with you on this journey”

You can visit Val at Mother Whisperers at motherwhisperers.com