7 Ways A Top Blog Is Like Pole Dancing

Last updated on February 8th, 2012 at 03:41 pm

Imagine my surprise when I showed up for fellow dreamer Laurie’s Club B Congo-A-Go-Go table captain meeting Friday night, and was told we were going to have a pole dance lesson.

I shouldn’t be that surprised.  It’s Laurie we are talking about here.  I don’t think she is afraid of anything. She uses the word bitch like my mother uses the word God. It’s only natural that her world should include a pole.

Hell, Santa came from one.

I sized up Laurie’s pole like a professional climber eyes Mount Everest.  I’m thinking I don’t have the proper equipment – like 7 inch heels and legs that start at my shoulders. And a body that is actually fit. I managed to overcome my belief that I would look like an idiot and did my turn on the pole . . .

At least the women were supportive.

No deep knee bends.  I kinda like being able to walk the next day.

While trying not to fall on my face, I thought up how having a top blog resembles pole dancing.

Really, it does.

1.  Pole dancing can expose your ass, baring all – upside down.

So can blogging and pushing the content to a higher level, so the exposure gains us more exposure.  Every time someone takes an unexpected photo of us and hangs it out on the Internet, I feel ass in the air upside down too.  I’ll be okay with it all once someone starts shoving 10 dollar bills down our bank account.  Maybe.

2.  Pole dancing takes strength.

Working days, evenings and weekends takes personal strength of will – as well as having the strength to fight getting up from the chair when you’d like to kill the blog, post or the Internet. Being a top blogger takes many hours and lots of time in front of a computer.  Some top bloggers have worked three jobs to get there.

3. Pole dancing makes you perform in front of people.

Every time I hit the publish button on a post, it’s like walking out naked on to the Internet. If readers don’t like what we have to say we get booed in the form of negative emails and comments.  Yes we’ve had them.

4. There are moves and tricks that make you a pole star.

Having a top blog takes great content, linking, and headline writing along with something that makes your blog stand out from the crowd. I don’t think flashing my breasts would help us here, but you never know.

5.  Martini spins are popular.

Martinis help with the writing.  Martinis help after the writing.  Okay, martinis just help blogging period.

6.  You can fall and hurt yourself.

Falling in to obscurity would be a problem for a top blog.  I’d just ask Laurie to do something bold to pick us back off the floor of obscurity and catapult us back into the land of viral love.

7.  The better you are, the more exposure you have.

Like a topless pole dancer, a good blog can attract a lot of media attention, which in turn drives more people to read the blog.   I somehow think a professional pole dancers exposure might look more like my gynecologists view of my annual pap smear, rather than the San Francisco Chronicle doing an article on 8 Women Dream.  But you get my point.

Do pole dancers work six days a week?  Do their knees bother them?  Do their eyes turn blood red from hours spent working?

I think the answer to that probably depends on what their idea of extra curricular activity is.

Somehow I don’t think it’s the same as mine.

But our blog stats are up, and that makes me want to get up out of this chair and take my bra off.

Spoken like a true pole dancer top blogger, don’t you think?

Keep on dreaming –

Catherine